Understanding and Managing Tantrums in Young Children

“Why are you crying? Stop it now.” 

Learn why tantrums happen and how to calm, guide, and support your child through emotional moments with practical tips to manage tantrums with confidence and empathy.

You’re Not Alone – Tantrums are Tough 

Everyone's heard of the terrible twos, but honestly, it’s more like the “terrible tantrums.” 

Maybe your child starts crying and whining because she can’t get the toy she wants, and suddenly there are a ton of passersby staring at you. You worry what they’re thinking about your child, your parenting, or even you. In that moment, it can feel like the tantrum will never end, and all you want to do is hide somewhere. You don’t know what’s wrong, and you don’t know how to stop the tears.  

Seeing Past the Tantrum 

Temper tantrums are short episodes of intense, often unpleasant, and sometimes aggressive behaviours that happen when a child feels frustrated or angry.  

As adults, our first instinct is often to react: “Stop crying!”, “Get off the floor!”, or “Okay, okay, I’ll get you the ice cream.” In our attempts to stop the tantrum from escalating, we might threaten, command, or even give in to their requests. 

Sometimes, we wonder why they can’t just behave. After all, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal that they can’t have a second ice cream that day or yet another toy truck. But for your child, it really is a big deal.  

Their socio-emotional skills are still developing, and their brains are learning how to manage intense emotions and solve problems. Most of the time, they are not being deliberately disobedient or seeking attention. Practicing patience and setting age-appropriate expectations for emotional regulation can make a big difference. In other words, it’s unrealistic to expect them to handle emotions like mini adults.  

Tantrums are often a way for your child to communicate, even if they are not always effective. They might be saying: 

• “My emotions are too much for me to handle!” 

• “I feel this way, but I just don’t know how to describe it. You just don’t get it!” 

• “I need your help calming down. I’m trying, but I can’t do it on my own.” 

When you look past the storm of the tantrum, you can see the child reaching out for understanding, support, and connection.  

How to Respond in the Heat of the Moment 

We get it–tantrums are stressful. No one enjoys the deafening cries, the shouting, or trying to stop your child from hurting themselves. But there are ways to stay grounded and help your child ride out the storm. More importantly, try to connect with your child before correcting them. 

Here’s a simple 5-step guide to responding when your child throws a tantrum: 

Ψ Remain Calm 

Take a deep breath and remind yourself: they’re not being difficult, they’re having a difficult time. Your calm presence helps them feel safe. Try not to react or give in to their tantrums. 

Ψ Wait It Out 

Sometimes, the best action is patience. Let the tantrum run its course, as long as the behaviours aren’t dangerous. It may look like “acting out,” but rather than short-circuiting the process, allow your child space to feel their emotions.  

Ψ Validate and Understand 

Acknowledge their feelings: “I see you’re feeling really frustrated that we can’t have the toy right now.” Letting your child know that you notice and understand their feelings helps them feel seen and connected to you. That sense of being understood, even in the middle of a tantrum or meltdown, can mean the world to them and guides you toward responding in a way that truly supports their needs.

Ψ Offer Choices to Co-Regulate 

Help them regain control through offering choices: “Do you want to take a few deep breaths with me, or do you need to sit quietly for two minutes?” This empowers them while teaching regulation.  

Ψ Re-Engage and Offer Praise 

Once the tantrum is over, reconnect and reinforce positive behaviour: “Thank you for calming down. I’m proud of you trying to use your words.” 

By following these steps, you’re not just managing the tantrum. You’re teaching your child how to manage their own emotions too.  

Tantrum Teaching Moments 

When a child is in the midst of an intense emotional episode, reasoning with them rarely works.  

Instead, once they’ve calmed down, use these moments to help them build important skills needed to communicate and regulate their emotions: 

Ψ Naming Feelings 

Help your child put words to their emotions: “You were feeling upset because you really wanted the toy, but I wouldn’t buy it for you.” 

Ψ Talking About What Happened 

Reflect together on the situation and how they reacted.  

Ψ Problem Solving 

Brainstorm strategies for next time: “Next time, what could we do if we really want something but can’t get it immediately?” 

Ψ Practicing co-regulation or soothing behaviours 

Encourage strategies like deep breathing, gentle movement, or going to a quiet corner to calm down.  

You’re Helping Them Grow, One Tantrum at a Time 

It’s natural to feel triggered when your child is having a tantrum. The shouting and crying can push anyone’s buttons. But how you respond sends powerful signals. If you react with anger or frustration, your child may learn that it’s okay to express emotions in the same way to get what they want. 

Instead, pause and take a moment to regulate yourself. Your calm presence helps your child feel safe and supported, allowing them to settle more quickly and be ready to learn how to manage their emotions.  

In the midst of tantrums, every small moment of patience, understanding, and steady connection matters. These moments not only help you manage the tantrum, they also shape your child’s emotional growth. Every gentle word, every deep breath you take together, and every supportive action teaches them how to navigate their big emotions.  

Take it one step at a time, knowing that your love, patience, and resilience are making a lasting difference.