Helping Primary School Children Manage Stress
My child has just turned 7 and he’s already feeling stressed?
Yes, even babies as young as 3 months can feel stress! What more, children who are entering primary school for the first time, being in an entirely new environment, and learning new things every day.
Stress: a normal response
Stress is a physiological response to a stressor that involves an interaction of biological and environmental factors. It is a normal response to changes and challenges and children definitely experience these in primary school.
Stress exists on a spectrum.
With the right amount, stress can give a positive boost and push us towards our goals, channeling focus and building resilience.
However, if the stress experienced is too intense and prolonged, it can become harmful when children are not provided with adequate support and opportunity to learn the coping skills required.
There are 2 types of stress:
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Otherwise known as eustress, this is a short-term stress that occurs in the face of challenges. This can prepare and motivate children to pursue and accomplish goals.
For example, P1s may feel the stress in making friends, hence they put in more effort in remembering their classmates’ names. While P3s begin their foray into a new subject, Science, they learn time-management skills to adapt and cope with the additional workload.
However, if they are unable to use this positive stress for their benefit or apply the coping skills, it will soon turn into an unpleasant experience for both parents and children.
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It is a long-term stress that occurs during adverse events, such as falling sick, and even during good life events, like having a big birthday party (imagine: the stress of coordinating invites, getting a cake, cleaning the house in preparation, and ensuring your guests are kept happy and well-fed – it’s no easy feat!).
During this period, they may feel stress intermittently for some time from a few days to weeks. If not appropriately addressed, this may accumulate and snowball into burnout, nightmares, digestive problems, eating disorder, anxiety disorder, depression and even heart disease.
What are Children Stressed about?
Remembering our childhood may help us better look into the lives of our children now - compare the similarities and differences, or how things would be at home or in school for them.
Is it truly stress-free?
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Exams and Grades
Homework
Adjusting to Rules
Learning New Things, Everyday!
Getting Along with Teachers
Making Friends
Dealing with Bullies
Discrimination
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Irritability
Changes in behaviour
Sleep difficulties
Changes in eating habits
Stomach aches
Visiting the sick bay more frequently
School absenteeism
Tips for Parents
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Parents are the best role model for their children, who learn best through imitation. Praise your child when they demonstrate healthy coping skills to reinforce healthy, adaptive behaviours like taking a walk or doing breathing exercises. Some other appropriate coping strategies to teach our children when dealing with stress:
Ψ Take deep breaths
Ψ Do stretches
Ψ Create a to-do list
Ψ Ask for support/help
Ψ Practice positive self-talk (e.g. “I can do this”)
If you are feeling stressed, you can model the coping strategies to demonstrate to your children the various appropriate ways of handling stress. For instance, you can vocalise your feelings and actions, instead of bottling and dismissing them.
You can also try these steps to be in a better space to manage your children’s emotions:
Pause before responding
Recognise that sometimes your child may not know how to express themselves
Acknowledge the emotions that you are currently feeling
Be mindful of the words that you use and the tone that you take
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It is not passive or permissive parenting.
Instead, it focuses on the collaboration between you and your children rather than asserting authority, and respecting one another over enforcing punishments.
Most importantly, we should strive to treat children as equals and support their autonomy as much as possible. This can be done by providing opportunities for them take part in simple decision making processes, such as choosing what to wear and deciding on their likes or dislikes.
The more they feel that they have control over the situation, the better they respond to stressful situations. Whenever they are feeling stressed, be there for them by listening and understanding them.
Remember to avoid rushing into problem-solving, instead give them time to regulate and problem solve on their own or guide them through it. You can guide them through this problem-solving process:
Define the problem
Identify solutions
List the pros and cons of each solution
Choose a solution
Reflect on how it went
Also, keep your child informed of any anticipated life changes such as a change in jobs or moving house. This provides them sufficient time and space to regulate and adjust to changes. Furthermore, it enables them to feel respected as they are informed timely as well.
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You can support and be there for your children through active listening by taking note of the following:
Being present (verbal and non-verbal cues)
Reflecting and summarising the content
Reflecting emotions
Validating and normalising appropriately
Self-disclosure of similar experiences if any (take note not to dominate the conversation)
Tips for Children
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Allocate time for self-directed play without end goals or pressure.
This allows children to think creatively, and develop cognitively, physically, socially and emotionally.
Free play also helps them to explore the world around them, making sense of things and building up their self-confidence.
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This not only promotes better sleep quality but also builds their confidence and self-esteem.
With these in place, it would lower their stress when dealing with challenges or facing stressful life events.
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Children aged 6 to 13 years old are encouraged to have 9 to 11 hours of sleep daily.
With insufficient sleep, children tend to feel easily irritated, forgetful and experience low motivation, all of which work hand in hand in contributing to increased stress levels.
Life can be stressful for both adults and children, and there will be moments where it gets too much for us to handle, but remember it’s is okay! Dealing with stress is definitely no easy feat, but with the tips above for both parties, stress can be handled appropriately, promoting health living for all. Should you or your child be struggling to cope with stress, do consider getting in touch with our child therapists for support.
