Hikikomori in Singapore: Understanding Social Withdrawal

Understanding why some young people withdraw from school, friendships, and everyday life, and how families can respond with empathy and support.

Imagine your teenager spends almost every day in their room.  They may stop attending school, avoid seeing their friends and become increasingly reluctant to leave the house. 

As a parent, you may wonder: 

“Are they just being lazy?”

“Is it because of gaming?”

“Why won’t they just go outside?”

These are understandable questions.  However, for some young people, prolonged social withdrawal may reflect emotional distress or other difficulties rather than a simple lack of motivation. 

When social withdrawal becomes severe, prolonged, and disruptive to daily life, it may be described as Hikikomori. Although the term originated in Japan, similar experiences have been recognised in many parts of the world, including Singapore. 

Understanding Hikikomori can help families recognise the emotional and psychological difficulties that may underlie a young person’s withdrawal. 

What is Hikikomori?

Hikikomori refers to severe and prolonged social withdrawal in which a person remains largely isolated at home for at least six months, with the withdrawal causing significant distress or disruption to their education, work, relationships or daily functioning. 

Someone experiencing Hikikomori may: 

• Rarely leave the house or go out only for limited and necessary activities. 

• Stop attending school or work. 

• Withdraw from friends, relatives and other social relationships. 

• Spend most of their time alone. 

• Feel anxious, distressed, or overwhelmed by the thought of interacting with others. 

Hikikomori is not currently recognised as a standalone diagnosis in the DSM-5-TR. Instead, the term is commonly used to describe a severe, prolonged pattern of social withdrawal that causes significant distress or impairs a person’s daily functioning. 

It is also important not to confuse Hikikomori with introversion. Many people enjoy spending time alone and value solitude while continuing to attend school or work, maintain relationships, and participate in everyday life. 

With Hikikomori, however, the withdrawal significantly disrupts everyday life. Attending school, meeting friends or leaving the house may begin to feel difficult or overwhelming. 

Hikikomori Is More Than “Being Lazy”

One of the biggest misconceptions about Hikikomori is that the person simply lacks discipline or motivation. 

When someone spends most of their time at home, it is easy to focus on what we can observe. They may no longer attend school, spend long hours online, or avoid interacting with others.  From the outside, it may appear that they are avoiding responsibilities or choosing an easier path. 

However, these outward behaviours do not explain why everyday life may feel so difficult. 

For many individuals, withdrawing from others becomes a way of coping with emotional distress. Some may feel anxious about being judged, embarrassed, or rejected. Others may struggle with feelings of shame, failure, or low self-worth. Spending time online or gaming may provide temporary distraction or comfort, but it is not necessarily the reason they withdrew in the first place. 

Instead of asking, “Why won’t they leave the house?”, it may be more helpful to ask, “What has made leaving the house feel so difficult for them?”

This shift in perspective can help us respond with empathy rather than judgement. 

Why Might Someone Experience Hikikomori?

There is rarely a single reason why someone experiences Hikikomori.
It often develops through a combination of personal, social and environmental factors that make engaging with the outside world increasingly difficult. 

Difficult social experiences

Experiences such as bullying, rejection, social exclusion, or repeated criticism may make social environments feel unsafe or humiliating.  Over time, they may begin to avoid situations in which they expect to feel judged, rejected, or embarrassed again. 

Social anxiety

Some young people experience intense fear about being judged or negatively evaluated by others. Everyday situations, such as entering a classroom or speaking to classmates, or being seen in public, may begin to feel overwhelming. 

Low Self-Esteem and Fear of Failure 

Academic setbacks, repeated disappointments, or difficult life experiences can gradually affect a person’s confidence. They may begin to doubt themselves or worry that they will not meet expectations. 

Stressful life circumstances

Major life changes, family conflict, school transitions, academic pressure, or other stressful experiences may also contribute to social withdrawal. For some individuals, staying at home may feel safer or more manageable than facing situations they perceive as overwhelming. 

The combination and impact of these factors will differ from person to person. 

Watch CNA Insider’s coverage to learn more about young people in Singapore who experience prolonged social withdrawal.

Credit: @CNAInsider

Credit: @CNAInsider

Credit: @CNAInsider

Is Hikikomori a Mental Health Condition?

Not necessarily. 

It may not be recognised as a standalone diagnosis in the DSM-5-TR. However, some individuals experiencing Hikikomori may also experience conditions such as anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, autism spectrum disorder, or other neurodevelopmental or mental health conditions. Others may not meet the criteria for any specific diagnosis. 

This is why it is important not to make assumptions based on outward behaviour alone. Understanding what may be contributing to the withdrawal is often the first step towards identifying appropriate support. 

How Can Families Respond?

Watching a loved one withdraw from daily life can be confusing and worrying. While it may be tempting to encourage them to “just try harder”, pressure or criticism can sometimes increase their distress. 

Instead, families may find it helpful to: 

• Listen without judgement or trying to solve the problem. 

• Be curious about what their child may be experiencing emotionally. 

• Avoid labelling them as lazy, stubborn, or unmotivated. 

• Acknowledge small steps forward, even if progress seems slow. 

• Maintain routines where possible without using threats, humiliation or punishment to force participation. 

• Seek professional support if the withdrawal persists or significantly affects daily functioning. 

Every individual’s journey is different. The aim is not to force immediate change, but to create an environment where they feel safe enough to gradually reconnect with the world around them. 

Looking Ahead

Parents and caregivers may wonder whether they could have prevented the withdrawal or whether they are somehow responsible for it. While family dynamics may play a role for some individuals, parents should not automatically assume that they caused the withdrawal. 

Although the journey is different for everyone, seeking support early can help individuals better understand the challenges contributing to their social withdrawal and gradually reconnect with daily life. 

Progress is rarely linear. There may be periods of improvement alongside setbacks and change often happens gradually rather than all at once. For some, even small steps, such as leaving the house more often or reconnecting with one trusted person, can represent meaningful progress. 

Rather than focusing on how quickly someone improves, it can be more helpful to recognise and support each step forward, no matter how small. 

Final Thoughts

For many individuals experiencing Hikikomori, social withdrawal is not simply about laziness or a lack of motivation. It may reflect emotional distress, fear, painful past experiences, or overwhelming stress that makes engaging with the outside world feel difficult. 

Approaching the situation with curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to understand can make an important difference.  A compassionate response can help young people feel safer seeking support and taking gradual steps towards reconnecting with daily life.