Trauma Anniversaries

Supporting Your Child Through Trauma Anniversaries

Some dates are hard to forget even if we’re not thinking about them. These are what psychologists call trauma anniversaries. A trauma anniversary marks the date a distressing event occurred.

As the date nears, children may experience sudden changes in mood or behaviour, even if they can’t fully explain why. This is commonly called an anniversary reaction. For children who’ve experienced loss, accidents, medical trauma, natural disasters, or other upsetting events, these anniversaries can stir up fear, sadness, anger, or anxiety.

Why Does This Happen?

Trauma is stored in the body, not just in memory. As the anniversary nears, familiar sights, sounds, smells — even changes in weather or routine — can trigger the body’s stress response, making a child feel unsafe, agitated, or overwhelmed.

Children might not be able to say what’s bothering them, but their behaviour might tell you:

Young Children (0-6 years old): 

• Regression (e.g. bedwetting, thumb-sucking, baby talk) 

• Separation anxiety (clinginess, fear of being alone) 

• Tantrums or irritability 

• Play that reenacts the trauma 

• Sleep problems (nightmares, fear of sleeping alone) 

• Physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches) 

School-aged children (6-12 years old): 

• Trouble focusing or learning in school 

• Acting out (aggression, defiance) or withdrawing 

• Frequent worries or excessive guilt 

• Avoiding reminders of the trauma 

• Sadness, anger, or mood swings 

• Hypervigilance (always “on edge”) 

Adolescents (13-18 years old): 

• Risk-taking behavior (substance use, reckless actions) 

• Social withdrawal or isolation 

• Emotional numbness (e.g. shutting down) 

• Self-harm or thoughts of suicide 

• Academic decline 

• Strong reactions to reminders (e.g. panic, anger, shutting down) 

What You Can Do As A Parent

Guiding children through trauma, especially anniversary trauma, requires understanding, patience and emotional sensitivity. Here are some ways you can support them: 

1. Prepare and Acknowledge  

Gently prepare your child for the anniversary using language they can understand to help them make sense of the emotions they may experience.

In the days leading up to it, practicing simple calming strategies together (see below) can equip them with healthy ways to manage their feelings.  

2. Let Them Lead 

Children process trauma in different ways. Some may want to face it head-on, while others prefer to avoid the anniversary altogether.

Whichever approach, try not push advice onto them and instead follow their cues. Give them space to cope with the trauma in the way that feels safest to them. 

3. Create a Safe Environment for your Child 

When a child experiences trauma, it can be difficult for them to feel safe again.

As a parent or caregiver, consistently create a safe space where they feel comfortable and enough to share and talk about their feelings. Only when we know what they are feeling, can we tackle the complex emotions with them. 

4. Use Calming Strategies Together

Try simple exercises like:

• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding: Help them name 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 they can hear, 2 they can smell, and 1 they can taste.

• Deep belly breathing: Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4, and exhale slowly for 6. Repeat a few times together.

5. Be mindful of your own responses

Children look to the adults around them for cues. If you feel overwhelmed, take time to care for your own emotional needs too.

It’s okay to say, “I’m feeling a bit sad today too. We’ll get through this together.”

Trauma anniversaries can be confusing and heavy for children, but they don’t have to go through it alone.

With support, they can learn that memories don’t have to feel scary, and that healing is possible, one gentle step at a time.