Secure Attachment in Childhood
Attachment styles describe the relationship of children with their caregivers. Secure attachment is said to give children the best social outcomes. Securely attached children tend to:
develop well socially and emotionally
have healthy relationships
show distress when caregivers leave, but sooth quickly and easily when their caregivers return
be willing to explore what’s around them
What does a child need to have secure attachment? Let’s take a look at these 4 conditions and think about how we can build them with our children!
Sense of Safety
Safety means that our children trust us. To build this trust, they shouldn’t be afraid of us – so being a Tiger Parent way may not be the best option. When we disagree or argue, remember to reconnect with them. When we’re in the wrong, say sorry!
Feeling safe in the relationship encourages our children to express their emotions, challenges and needs. With this foundation, they will be able to form healthy relationships with others.
Feeling Seen
“Children should be seen and not heard.” But the best way for them to feel seen is to be listened to! We need to acknowledge our children’s emotions and value their opinions. Genuinely connecting with them helps to build their self-esteem. We can also build fulfilling relationships with them in this way!
Being Soothed
Your child stepped into a muddy puddle. She cries - it’s wet and uncomfortable! Do you step forward to calm her down?
Soothed children are comforted by their caregivers when they’re distressed. They are also comforted in calmer moments – do this by being present and engaging them with affection. How about reading a book together before bedtime?
Sense of Security
The 3 conditions mentioned above help build a sense of security for our children. Being consistent with them encourages children to be open with their emotions. They also better recognise and understand the emotions of others.
We want our children to form healthy relationships with the world around them. As they grow, they make mistakes and learn from them. We can provide this safe and secure environment where they are unafraid to fail. No matter how things turn out, we assure them that they are heard. We can be their haven for comfort!
