Positive Parenting - Behaviour Management
What is Positive Parenting for Behaviour Management?
It’s about guiding your child’s behaviour so that they behave appropriately.
One effective way to do so is by implementing positive behaviour management. This means giving attention to their positive behaviours (e.g. through praises and rewards) instead of punishing or scolding them for negative behaviours.
Below are some steps you can take to manage your child’s behaviour in a more positive and effective way. We will discuss the reasons for your child’s behaviours and provide some strategies you can use to target these behaviours.
Step 1 - Figuring Out the Purpose of the Behaviour
There are reasons for all behaviours.
Existing research suggests that inappropriate behaviours, regardless of whether performed by an adult or child, serve one or more of the 6 functions illustrated in the figure.
Often, when your child cannot tell you the reason for their behaviours, it is easy to misunderstand their intentions and blame them for being ‘naughty’.
This may cause both of you to become frustrated, which may accumulate over time to create tension in your parent-child relationship.
To identify the purpose of your child’s behaviour, start by considering: ‘What does my child gain from doing this behaviour?’
Hint: Pay close attention to what happens before and after the behaviour occurs.
Fig. The Six Functions of Behaviours
Step 2 - Reasons for Each Function from Your Child’s Point of View
Step 3 - Strategies for Each Function
(a) Gain Attention
Reason:
Displaying difficult behaviours may be a way to gain attention. A scolding may be better than getting no attention at all.
What You Can Do:
1) Planned ignoring: Ignore consistently. Irregular reinforcement will strengthen their persistence in getting your attention. Give attention when they display positive behaviours.
2) Teach your child positive ways to gain attention: When your child displays positive behaviours (e.g., helping others), provide attention and praise.
(b) Escape from attention
Reason:
Displaying difficult behaviours may be a way to escape attention. Some children may not like it when they are repeatedly pestered to do something they do not like
What You Can Do:
1) If your child’s behaviour is acceptable: Teach your child to communicate his/her thoughts in a polite way. When they do this, allow them to escape from attention.
2) If your child’s behaviour is unacceptable: Firmly tell your child that this is not a time that he/she is allowed to go away. Do not allow them to escape from attention when difficult behaviour occurs. When the time for ‘no escape’ is over, provide a positive consequence if your child behaves well (e.g., let him/her do their favourite activity)
(c) Engage in preferred activity OR Obtain preferred objects
Reason:
Displaying difficult behaviours may be a way to get what they want (e.g., play iPad or toys). They may not be able to delay instant gratification for preferred activities/objects.
What You Can Do:
1) If your child’s behaviour is acceptable (e.g., colouring): Let your child know when exactly he/she can do the activity. If this happens at an inappropriate time, tell the child that the activity is not available. If difficult behaviour persists, do not allow access to the activity, and instead provide a negative consequence (e.g., taking away privileges).
2) If your child’s behaviour is unacceptable (e.g., pinching friends): Provide a negative consequence (e.g., removing favourite activity)
(d) Escape from task
Reason:
Displaying difficult behaviours may be a way to escape from doing work. Your child may not want to do it, or because he/she cannot do it.
What You Can Do:
1) If your child has the ability to perform the task but does not want to: You may try sustaining his/her attention on the task for a short while first, and then gradually lengthen it. You can provide scheduled breaks for your child if neccessary. Make sure he/she gets positive consequences for completing the task (e.g., praise).
2) If your child does not have sufficient ability to perform the task: You can make the task easier for your child or teach him/her the necessary skills to perform the task.
(e) Obtain physical pleasure
Reason:
Displaying difficult behaviours may be a way to obtain physical pleasure. Could be attributed to self-stimulation
What You Can Do:
1) If behaviour occurs in an inappropriate context (e.g., picking nose in public): Tell your child that the behaviour is not permitted in this place and time. Let your child know when is an appropriate time to do this behaviour.
(f) Escape pain
Reason:
Displaying difficult behaviours may be a way to escape pain. It is always reasonable for a child to try and escape pain.
What You Can Do:
1) Teach your child a clear way of communicating to you or other authorities that he/she is in pain. Identify the cause of the pain and take the necessary steps to alleviate it.
To give you a better idea of how you can implement the strategies with your child, here are some possible case scenarios:
Scenario 1: A 7-year-old child who keeps screaming
Step 1: Purpose → Escape Pain
Step 2: Reason → To escape physical discomfort from a toothache
Step 3: Strategy → Design visuals (drawings, cards, photographs) for the child to communicate that she is in pain
Scenario 2: A 15-year-old student who keeps hitting students
Step 1: Purpose → Escape from a task
Step 2: Reason → Lacks sufficient ability to perform the task
Step 3: Strategy → Make the task easier for student and gradually increase the difficulty
If you feel like you need professional help, do reach out to us or book an appointment with us. We will be happy to assist you.
Additionally, here are some resources you can look through for more information on how to better understand and manage your child’s behaviours.
Ψ Autism Resource Centre: Provides workshops and training for parents and caregivers.
Ψ Ministry of Social and Family Development (Baby Bonus Portal): For parenting resources on development, socialising and well-being of children with special needs.
Ψ SG Enable: Information on parental support and referrals for children and youth with special needs.
Ψ Singapore Counselling Centre: Offers Positive Behaviour Support, a strategy used to address challenging behaviours.
